As a child I was incredibly shy, many would say cripplingly so. I rarely made intentional contact with others, therefore voicing my beliefs, concerns or even my needs rarely occurred. This meant that “Santa” did not know what I wanted for Christmas and that my mother had no idea how much I hated spaghetti. As I got older (and really sick of eating spaghetti) I knew I had to make a change. I could no longer blame others for my silence. It became clear that if I didn’t learn to manage my anxiety and directly ask for what I wanted I would keep getting socks for Christmas. So many socks…. I would never be heard and inevitably feel left out.
At first I felt seriously inadequate, how was I going to connect with others when I had little to no experience in communicating? Then came the realization that a conversation has two key components, sharing and listening. I knew I could do one of those very well! After all those years of silence I had become a very good listener, I was literally all ears. All that was left to do now was to engage someone in conversation so that I could get to the part I was good at…listening. After several failed attempts and so many awkward moments it slowly got easier and in turn I grew more sure of myself. Eye contact, hand shaking, initiating and maintaining conversation, all of it became more natural and enjoyable. I met so many people in a very short period of time. A whole new world became available to me and I was loving it!
As you could imagine it lead to some undesirable situations as well but my ability to observe and read others was a great tool. It kept me sharp and most times out of trouble. The thing I began to notice most was that we all have the need to be heard. More often than not we just need to get it out, we are not necessarily looking for advice or reassurance. Certainly guidance can be an added bonus but having someone listen, I mean deeply listen to us is incredibly healing.
Knowing that others opened up to me easily grew my confidence and from that point on I reached out more and in turn received more. My husband will often say, “I can’t believe how people open up to you”. Support comes in so many forms and I am grateful to have the opportunity to listen and share for a living. That shy girl still exists inside of me, she keeps me humble and I am happy to say that she no longer stops me from getting I want. I encourage you to reach out! A kind smile and great manners really do go a long way!
I would love to read about your experiences with listening and being heard, please feel free to leave your story in the comment section!
Much love!
Dom